Acceptance

An Interview with Dave Marcus, Author of Acceptance: A Legendary Guidance Counselor Helps Seven Kids Find the Right Colleges – And Find Themselves

Journalist Dave Marcus kept hearing about an incredible guidance counselor named Gwyeth Smith, who was about to retire from a Long Island high school.

Smitty, as he was known, had an unusual approach to the college application process in the competitive times.  “It’s not about the brand,” he’d sternly tell parents, “it’s about the fit.”  Dave was so fascinated that he ended up spending a year shadowing Smitty and several 12th graders, ranging from a jock to a valedictorian.

That became the book, Acceptance: A Legendary Guidance Counselor Helps Seven Kids Find the Right Colleges – And Find Themselves (Penguin Books)

With a kid going into high school, I keep wondering how worried to get about the college game. My first guy is a stellar student, who could care less about organized sports. Would that matter? What about my middle-school student, who wants to be a chef? Should I be pushing him to concentrate on writing instead of sautéing?

I found Acceptance a very reassuring read, and also, surprisingly, a call to parent with more care to nurture my children’s strengths—and celebrate that aspect above the worry about what will happen next. I also realized that being able to cook is a very necessary skill.

Read on to learn a little more (before you read the book!).

 

What did Smitty teach you?

Once I started to observe this incredible counselor, I began to appreciate three things.

Gwyeth Smith

1. Help your kids live their own dreams.  If majoring in Economics at Princeton is mom’s ambition, that’s fine. But if art school is the kid’s dream, help him or her do great work. Smitty worked with each student seeing what was unique about him or herself—and cast a light on that.

2. Kids need to slow down and savor the opportunities of middle and high school—in the classroom, in museums, in clubs. Don’t join a group or take on community service because it looks good on an application; do it to make a difference. Let’s stop gazing at the next step on the path to success. High school is not about collecting merit badges to impress colleges, and college is not about wowing grad schools.

3. Realize that a 16- or 17-year-old is far from formed, and so personalities and goals change.  In this country, adolescence is prolonged.  A high school student who is determined to go to med school might change dramatically after confronting organic chemistry in college. Smitty shows families that it’s critical to have a range of experiences. Learn another language. Get a summer job, even bussing tables in a restaurant. Mingle with people you wouldn’t usually talk to.   Make sure you can do practical things, like cooking a meal and balancing a checkbook.

This reminds me of the film Race to Nowhere, a call to ease the stress on teens.

The push toward high achievement—becoming professional students with long resumes—makes us forget that grades and scores are only part of the way of measuring accomplishment. Character counts. So does curiosity.

Dave Marcus

It seems like you’re also advising us to concentrate on breadth.

I’ve been speaking to schools, community groups, churches and synagogues. I tell families that even though I attended two Ivy League schools – Brown University and Harvard – I treasure my experiences studying Spanish at night at a community college in Florida. And the summer during high school I spent working in a factory.

Some of the best lessons we learn are far from the campuses that obsess us.

(Find pointers for parents and other information: www.DaveMarcus.com)